Friday, February 8, 2013

Abdate - a fat awakening

Since I was a kid, I was 'chubby'. I guess I was never skinny at all. Skinny here means that I am slim and lean and all skin & bones. I was always 'big-sized' for my age, be it during primary school or now, the term 'slim' has never suited me.

And how do feel about that?

I guess I don't feel really bad about not being skinny. In fact, I feel blessed that I can actually eat and grow normally. Okay maybe I grow too fast and actually absorb too much nutrients hahaha I blame efficient intestines. Of course there are times when I felt angry about people calling me names. FAT, BIG GIRL, FEI PO (fat lady), or ZHU (pig). I believe that as humans, all of us tend to be a little judgmental about how others look. I myself for one tend to look at others and comment about their flaws.

While I was having lunch today with Nick, and we saw someone who was overweight, I realized that the whole shop was staring him/her with disgusted looks, as if he/she was some kind of alien.

And that got me thinking..

If I was in his/her shoes, how would I feel? What will I be thinking?

For me, I am fat, but not VERY fat. I can be considered overweight, big-sized and all, but never to an extent that people tend to stop eating their food and just stare at you as you walk by. I do get occasional stares and that already bugs me. 

I suddenly felt so bad for that person that I started to think how people see other people. Just because that person is a little bit different from the norm, you have to stare? Just because he has darker skin, she has a shorter figure, that you have to look at them as if they are from outer space?

If I were in their shoes, would I pretend to ignore it? Would I have that kind of courage to pretend that I've seen or heard nothing? Or would I lock myself in the room, and cry? Would I go home to parents and relatives who despises you as much as the public? If I were them, would I love myself as much, or would I hate me, too? 

Bad. I would feel, VERY bad.

I did a bit of a self reflection. At times when I spoke about others, about how they look and how they act, I kind of forget that I'm judging. All I do is comment about the other people, and not realizing that what I am doing, is wrong. 

I guess I judged out of insecurity, of jealousy, of foolishness. Sometimes I tend to get frustrated hearing all those bad comments about myself. How I don't fit in, how I'm not smart enough, how I don't live up to standards of the world. Taking in all these, made me unleash every negative energy that I have onto others. 

This has got to stop.

Chinese New Year is in about 2 days and it is time, learn slowly learn how to get rid of this bad habit. Learn how not to be quick in judging, fight against prejudice, and most importantly, learn about self-acceptance.

Genesis 1:27
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

No one is perfect, but we are made in the image of a perfect God. I might be bigger sized than most girls, not as pretty as my classmates, I like weird clothes, and I'm not that smart either. But I am still me. Happy, healthy, me. Pretty or ugly, fat or thin, short or tall, we are all humans, made by one Creator. 

It's time for me to accept that.

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