Thursday, December 5, 2013

Abdate: Thoughts of the week

First week of my holidays.

I could say that I have been quite productive. At least I didn't sit at home and watch the grass grow. Yet. I went out for paintball on Tuesday. Now I am dealing with surburn on my neck, of which I don't know how it can happen when I slabbed on half a bottle of SPF 120 sunblock SPECIFICALLY on my neck area. I also have 2 huge bruises at the sides of my right knee. How huge are they? Well, one is the size of an eraser, the other the size of a mug coaster.

Yeap.

Yesterday I spent the whole morning and afternoon cutting pasting and drawing some props for a photobooth. I have no idea how it will turn out but I hope it will be good! Only sad part is that most of the props that I made have glue waves (waves formed when I use too much water glue on paper) .... on their surfaces so the product is not so nice :( I'm gonna make more later!! If I am still up for it after blogging ehehehehe After that I went for a mani-pedi sesh that I purchased from Groupon. Cheapo.

And in most nights, I absorb myself in a fiction which seems too real.

Last night I dreamt of many things. Only one remained clear in my nightmare memories.

I was jolted awake. I dreamt of the release of the STPM Semester 3 results. When everyone has gotten As and Bs and jumping in delight, I tossed my results in my bag pack, deciding to reveal it later. And when I do open the envelope, I realized that all my hard work, stress and cries resulted a D for Pengajian Am and Fs for all my Science subjects.

EFFs. Not one. THREEEEEEE!!!!

What is this supposed to mean? That I should be prepared for failure?

And then it begins.

What if I really got a D and all fails? What am I supposed to do then? Can I live without a degree at hand? Am I able to make a living? Will I survive?

Am I supposed to retake all the subjects and go through 2 weeks of cramming again?!

I'm not a person who rushes into stuff and decide last minute. I don't always say 'Hey let's grab a coke and who cares about tomorrow' .I always plan ahead. And right now, I am trying to foresee where I should be in 5, 10, 20 years to come. But people tell me that those plans never work out. Because life is that unpredictable, that nothing ever goes to plan.

Does this mean I should NOT ever plan, anything? Ever again? So I should just leave it to my feet to figure out where am I supposed to head next?

Daddy God, what plans, do you have for me?

I need an answer.

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