Sunday, March 24, 2013

Abdate - Semester One Results

Note - One new post below this!

Hello :D It's finally Sunday and I FINALLY got time to blog!! Whee!! Such a hectic week I must say! With first trial exams on-the-go and the badminton tournament after that (No I didn't play lah I was a linesman =___=)!! I was so tired after that but we went for Gerald's birthday party yesterday evening!! Had a great sleep though yesterday night HAHAHA

In the midst of the trial exams, right before my Bio paper, I had to face reality ...


The long awaited STPM First Semester results *jeng jeng jeng*


Didn't wanna post this up but then, I scared in the future I forgot what happened hahaha so might as well blog about it.


So we had to sit for Bio paper on the day of the results release. Actually it was released the night before but not many of us knew. Our paper only starts at 12.30pm so we had the morning for some last-minute revision. One classmate in particular went down to the teacher's office to check her results and came back telling us how she did. The moment I heard her results I was worried about mine. I definitely have no idea what to expect.

After recess, the whole form six clan squeezed into the teacher's office, using the computer to check their results online. Then Audrey told me her results, other classmates told me their results. Some did well, others not so well, others failed a subject or two. I didn't know what would happen to me. A friend of mine lied to me that he failed his Bio grrr and I was horrified because if you compare me and him, his Bio is much more better than mine. So I was expecting my Bio to be an F as well :/

Shnwei checked her results. The guys anxious to see how others did, I got more terrified. Things were getting more and more unpredictable. Then bravely, I typed my ic number on my teacher's laptop.

And ......
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*beeeeeeeep*
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All I have to say is, my results were better than I'd expected. No fails, No Cs, only a single A. 2Bs and 1B-. A flood of relief ran through my whole body. I almost wanted to cry the moment I saw my results. 

I know it's not that good, but it's good enough. More enough for me. I've never expected that I'd get results as such. Some of my peers got results that did they did not expect at all. Shocking, yes.

My results were a shock too. To those who were far more ... better than me. Academically. I know where I stand in my class of 30 students. Those who are more hardworking, smarter, more serious, better. It was a shock to them, and also a shock to the teachers, who I guess, expected nothing from an average girl like me. Who never stood out as the one who scored an A for Bio tests, who can only solve ONE math question in half an hour, who could not understand a thing during Chemistry class.

I was the dark horse.
I was underestimated.

Teachers coming up to me saying, 'Wow. I never expected you to do so well' or 'Congratulations. You did better than I thought'. How did I feel? Happy? Yes. Definitely happy. But then, the feeling of being underestimated? Yes. That bitter feeling. Yuck.

My teachers probably didn't expect me to get such good results. Even I didn't expect such results. Maybe they saw what other, better students' results were, and expected even lesser from me?

So how did I do so well, they might ask. And I can only think of one answer. 

Last year when I was in youth camp, I asked God what were His plans for my future. As much as I hate it, God told me that I was to go into form six. (I think I blogged about this hahaha) Why? And the reason is, that he wants me to continue serving here. I was in disbelief. Why me? Why not the other youths my age? Why not send me to some place else, where I could also serve? I tried to run away. Asked my parents to send me overseas, or maybe take up a foundation course in KL, but it didn't happen. Scholarship offers never came to me, applications were denied. WHY!?! Frustrated, I went into form six, not wanting to know why I am there. Denying His plans.

Every night, I prayed the same prayer. That He would show me why He kept me in KK. Why he wanted me to stay in my youth. At least, show me that I am able to stay in form six. Show me that I am able to persevere in this tough pre-u course.

I didn't get signs. I didn't get affirmation. 

I know it's hard to understand His plans, sometimes. But I believe that if God brings you to one challenge, He will definitely bring you through it. He might close a thousand doors in your life, but He opens one, just one, that is the perfect one for you. My trust in Him faded and was regained, faded and regained again. But I never lost my faith.

Weeks before the exam, and after the exam, until the results release, I prayed for a result that is enough for me to understand why I am stuck in form six. Why am I struggling in the science class. I asked for a result enough for me to move forward, to have no regrets. I asked that I would not have to retake any of my papers, a result that would make Him, and my parents proud of me.

Of course, in the Bible it says, 'Ask and it shall be given', but most of me surrendered the results in His hands. I had faith in His plans. I did my best, and I believed that He will do the rest.

And He did. 

I did what I could. I studied, I stayed up late (my late is 11pm only zz) to read, I sacrificed my tv time, I learnt to give up certain things. I answered the questions the best way I could. It may not be enough to some, and even to me, but I tried to give my best. At least, the best that I can.

He never promised me anything, but I believe that the result for semester one is something like a gift. An affirmation. A pat on the back, encouraging me to continue to fight. I know it's hard to explain. Maybe it cannot be explained. But if it wasn't for God, or His grace, I would not be here typing in joy and thankfulness. I would not be the one having okay results smiling from ear to ear. 

If it wasn't for God, I would have not done as well as I did.

Hard to believe? Hard for the teachers to believe? What's the secret behind the Bs and the A? I think you know my answer. It might not be as excellent as the results the others scored, but again, it's more than enough for me.

And with that, to God be all glory, for He is, the best.


Now, I have to start all over again. Work hard for semester 2 and continue to have faith in Him. I am struggling to keep up, and I know that this semester is tougher than the first one. I cannot guarantee equally good or better results, but I have to try my best, and believe that He will do the rest.


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Holidays this coming week! :) I want a new camera! (Okay, that's random lalala)

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