Friday, March 9, 2012

Bang goes my phone

My phone got stolen today TT_____TT

And it happened just an hour ago. Right now I am typing away in tears at my workplace. Never in my life would I have thought that my phone would be stolen. My iphone. My dad's iphone. The phone that he trusted me with just a month ago, now gone. The phone that I took care of, now gone. The phone that I highly appreciated because it was pre-loved by my dad and I promised myself to use it well, now gone.

WHY?!!?!

I was alone at the shop and was rearranging the display table. I knew my phone battery was low so I turned off the wi-fi. I remember putting the iphone into the drawer. I remember it. That was because I didn't want the battery to run off so I just placed it in the drawer. IN THE DRAWER. Later one man walked into the shop and asked me about this product and that product, I kindly pointed it to him. I was distracted. He distracted me. I didn't even realize that my phone was gone. I thought it was still the drawer. After he left, I continued to arrange things on the table. Soon after my boss returned, I wanted to go to the loo and I searched for my phone, it was no longer there.

I thought I was careless. I thought I left it on the counter. But I remember putting it into the drawer because I didn't want to go online anymore, I WANTED TO SAVE THE BATTERY. But then it was still stolen. He still took away my phone, even in the drawer. Perhaps no one would trust that I put it in the drawer, perhaps I don't believe myself because I am trying to deceive myself. But I was sure. I wanted to save the remaining battery life, but instead I lost my phone.

WHAT NOW?

GUILT.

I feel guilty of the whole thing. For being careless. If I hadn't been so careless, I would still have my phone with me. If I hadn't been distracted, it will still be there. My fault. It's my fault. All my fault. I feel guilty for losing dad's phone. Though he gave it to me, I still think of it as his. He used it for so long, it was still in good condition and when it was mine, it got stolen. I know that it is nothing to blame on myself, but please blame it on me. Let me take everything, because I am no longer worthy of any iPhones anymore. Nothing.

I don't even know what to feel right now. Somehow I couldn't keep myself from being numb. Numb. I am numb. I couldn't feel a thing. I don't want to look at anyone, I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want to do anything.

All I want is my phone to come back.

I have to lead worship in youth tonight.
I have a party tomorrow.
I'm going to youth camp next week.
Everything seemed so exciting, I anticipated. Now? I have no energy left to do any of it. I just want to cry into my pillow.

Lord, give me strength.
I'm sorry.
I'm very sorry.

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